Cars (Part 3)
‘Opulence’ and ‘Elegance’.
Two words that fit quite easily with ‘Mercedes’ and ‘Benz’.
Unfortunately for them, ‘over-indulgence’ and ‘expensive’ also come to mind. This can be seen in lots of places in their line up, but no more so then in their Maybach 62.
Maybach started in 1902 as a luxury motor company in Germany. They made competitors to Rolls Royce’s, but weren’t anywhere near as successful, as evidenced by the fact that you probably had never heard of them until Top Gear reviewed one a few years ago. In 1997, Merc bought them and brought out a concept car, the beginnings of a new Maybach line up. They ended up bringing it out, keeping it under the ‘Maybach’ name and now, the biggest, most luxurious, most ostentatious car in the entire world is on sale, to you, for the small asking price of your soul.
This behemoth of motoring isn’t what your father buys when he inherits your grandfather’s fortune. It’s what a man who’s ancestry can be traced back over a million generations of wealth buys, to keep his other 8 warm or in case he runs out of firewood. And at $700,000 odd Australian dollars, you would need at least seventeen dead grandfathers to get one yourself.
Sure, the numbers are impressive. But before we get into them, lets ponder for a moment on the ‘62′ part of the name. There is a model below it called the ‘57′ ($605, 323), as well as the 57S (the S is for ‘Special’, not ‘Sport’). Usual car naming conventions hold that this means that the cars have either a 6.2 or 5.7 liter engine in it. In fact, it refers to the respective lengths of the cars in decimeters. This kind of showcases what market these asphalt whales are appealing to. The 62 has a 5.5 liter twin-turbo V12, generating 405 kilowatts. 0 – 100 in 5 or so seconds, it isn’t slow. Just don’t try driving it around a corner.
Now we come to the reason why I’m griping about this car and, in fact, not talking about its opulence and elegance at all. Yes, it is these things, but it is as if elegance and opulence sat down at a dinner table (most likely with candles, butlers, maids, a nice chianti and somewhere in the Cotswolds) and decided to eat so much of the King’s deer and boar that it gave them a genetic pre-disposition to be overweight and fall over if they stood up too quickly. Then they retired to their well appointed luxury suite and made sweet, hot, intangible love and 9 months later, out came this monster. It is John Candy’s idea of elegance. It is Oprah’s idea of opulence.
The 62 has fully-reclining rear seats, Maybach 4 zone climate control, tinted, infrared-reflecting laminated glass all round, AirMATIC dual control air suspension, display instruments in rear roof liner (showing speed, time and outside temperature), folding rear tables (left and right), BOSE Surround Everywhere sound system and a refrigerator compartment, as well as a Cockpit Management and Navigation System (COMAND), which includes DVD navigation, CD changer in rear seats, DVD players and TV tuners front and rear, two rear LCD TV screens including remote control and two sets of headphones and automatic closing doors.
Even though the Maybach 62 has all these features included, optional extras are available. Some of these optional extras include a panoramic glass sun roof at a cost of $11,670 and an external communication system, which includes a loudspeaker and microphone system which allows the occupant in the rear of the Maybach to talk and listen to the people outside the car. This option comes at a cost of $1,780. A further option for the Maybach is a retractable electrotransparent partition screen between the driver and the rear occupants, at $23,780. The most expensive option for the Maybach is a high protection GUARD B4 Package which costs $151,810.
Even mildly optioning up the car, after taxes and delivery, without even paying for the car itself, you can easily pay $135,000.
The Maybach is elegance and opulence done wrong.
It is Mercedes-Benz’s most wild, expensive, useless, fuel-guzzling and not to mention heavy car in their line up. They don’t even attach their name to it, they are so ashamed.
It is for rich wankers who think they need to listen to what people are saying to them outside, while at the same time shouting at them from the built in speakers, telling them to work harder in the salt mines and get out of the Politburo lane.
It is for the man who has everything and wants more.
It is an astounding car.
A horrible car.
A useless car.
An absolutely idiotic car.
God, I want one.
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